Zbig Szafranski with The Nude Polka Kings - Czernina!

He's back! Zbig Szafranski has come back to the U.S. after a visit to his homeland of Poland.  We thought that he wouldn't come back by the sound of things last time we heard a song from him. He sounded and looked terrible; overweight, forgetful, gruff and nasty personality. He had been associated with our polka group, The Nude Polka Kings, and their spokesperson told us  that they thought he'd gone back to Poland to die. But after the first of the year he came back. Ends up Poland was not to his liking, too much had changed. He looked up some relatives when there, and one of them was a rich businessman in Warsaw who took a liking to him and got him into a private hospital for a checkup. After a few weeks there, and put on a diet, he came out a new man! Medication to help with  his failing heart, and a general makeover of the rest of his health issues. The spokesman told us his attitude changed as well! Not nearly as grumpy and cantankerous, looks downright healthy for a man in his late 90's!

His new song is in  tribute to his Polish Grandmother who used to make his favorite dish for him: Czernina - Duck Blood Soup! Yes, soup made from dried fruit, vinegar, onions, garlic, pepper, salt, duck broth...and duck blood! A classic, traditional peasant soup from Poland that used all of the duck 'except the beak'. For peasants all over the world, nothing could be wasted. We hear at GR50 Records have never heard of it, let alone tasted it, but  they say it is a sweet and sour soup that if you can forget that one ingredient, tastes very good and is still popular in Poland today.

I went to Polska,
I tell you something I ate, classic dish!
Is Czernina!  Cernina! Say it! Cernina
I going to tell how to make it
BUT YOU GOING TO EAT IT ANYWAY!
 
Take onions, cut them fine
Dice dry fruit, do what I speak
You need a kacza...A DUCK! ...
A live duck!
Don't be sissy pants, use it all but beak!
 
 Krew z kaczki! Krew z kaczki! Do what I say
Duck blood! Duck blood! Use it today!
Onion, pepper and salt use too
Duck blood! Krew z kaczki! Is good for you!
 
Hold duck over bowl...CUT HIS THROAT!...
Is tradition! Don’t get sick!
Drain blood in bowl, then pluck and gut!
Simmer dead kaczki in plenty water deep
Strip off the meat, let it steep!
 
Krew z kaczki! Krew z kaczki! Do what I say
Duck blood! Duck blood! Use it today!
Vinegar then you going to use
Duck blood! Krew z kaczki!  You don’t refuse!
 
Put vinegar in bowl with blood
Don't want  blood clot get hard
Stir it up, let it sit, go back to kaczki
Filter broth, duck cut up , use DUCK LARD!
 
Put everything together, let it simmer
Not too hot, and get pierogies ready!
What?  You don’t know pierogies?  Shame on you!
Is good Polska food, learn already!
Don’t be stupid Polack!
 
Krew z kaczki! Krew z kaczki! Ready to eat!
Duck blood! Duck blood! Tender sweet meat!
Simmered in broth, blood, but not beak
EAT IT GODDAMMIT! DON’T GET SICK!
 
Is good for you! So very tasty too!
Was cooked by my babcia (Grandma)
When I was little boy
Is good memory, this soup!
Niech Bóg błogosławi duszę mojej babci…
(May God bless my Grandmother’s soul)
 
Duck blood soup! Duck blood soup! Do what I say
Czernina! Czernina! Use it today!
Onion, fruit, pepper and salt use too
Czernina! Czernina! Is good for you! 

The Nude Polka Kings! - Don't Smash The Punkins!

 The Nude Polka Kings turn their polka instincts to the Halloween holiday with the novel song Don't
Smash The Punkins! Polka.  Most of us here at GR50 Records enjoyed the song, except for one associate.

Whenever we get a sound file of a new song, we have a round table meeting of available associates and discuss it.  There is never a song released arbitrarily by us - they all come under scrutiny and a vote. The one dissenting opinion over this song came about the lyrics. First of all, the term 'punkins' instead of 'pumpkins', and to take it even further, it was suggested that since the song is really about smashing jack o' lanterns, it should be named 'Don't Smash The Jack O' Lanterns'.  Of course pumpkin is the correct term, but it was pointed out to the dissenter that since this was a novelty song, a certain hominess of style in the lyric was a good thing. Next, as to why they used 'punkin' instead of jack o' lantern, it was also pointed out that what is a jack o' lantern but a type of pumpkin after all? A specific style and use for a pumpkin, but still a pumpkin nonetheless. And the rhyme of 'punkins' and 'youngkins' was also criticized, as the dissenter didn't know what youngkins meant. As was pointed out to him, the meaning of the fabricated word can be derived from the context and poetic license; a young one, a kid.  But the lone dissenter stood by their guns, and we brought it up to a vote, with the obvious outcome.

It is the autumn time of year
And soon it will be Halloween
Trick or treating lots of candy
Ghosts and goblins on the scene

Halloweens not just for children
Grown ups can enjoy it too
Come on out and dance the polka
Wear costumes, drink some brew
BUT PLEASE...

DON'T SMASH THE PUNKINS! After they've been carved!
DON'T SMASH THE PUNKINS! Children work so hard
If you smash the punkins, then all the youngkins
Will have no jack o' lanterns all because of you!

Carving punkins into faces
Lighting them evil delight
Perfect time to dance the polka
In the dark and eerie night!

Halloweens not just for children
Grown ups can enjoy it too
Come on out and dance the polka
Wear costumes, drink some brew
BUT OH NO...

DON'T SMASH THE PUNKINS! After they've been carved!
DON'T SMASH THE PUNKINS! Children work so hard
If you smash the punkins, then all the youngkins
Will have no jack o' lanterns all because of you!

All kinds of costumes that we've seen
Witches, goblins, vampires too
Women wear some that are skimpy
We appreciate the view!

Halloweens not just for children
Grown ups can enjoy it too
Come on out and dance the polka
Wear costumes, drink some brew
BUT DON'T DO IT!

DON'T SMASH THE PUNKINS! After they've been carved!
DON'T SMASH THE PUNKINS! Children work so hard
If you smash the punkins, then all the youngkins
Will have no jack o' lanterns all because of you!

The Nude Polka Kings - Pigs In A Polka

 The Nude Polka Kings make the rounds of the nudist camps in  the summer, and yes, they perform in the nude like their name implies. They also tour in the winter, but with clothes on for obvious reasons. There's only one nudist Polka Dance Hall in the country, and they run it! It's kind of strange, but not if your a nudist ands love to dance the polka!

This song was suggested by one of our more obscure associates (no names please!). The Polka Kings are more limited in their repertoire, and no matter how clever it is, Pigs In The Polka probably won't make them an  overnight sensation. We here at GR50 Records thought it was clever anyway, if a little offbeat. Pigs in a polka? Who would have ever thought?

I've seen pigs in a blanket, Seen pigs in a sty, 

Seen pigs out in space, heard pigs squeal and cry. 

Seen food made from them, at the butcher shop 

But pigs in a polka? When will it ever stop? 

 

 Pigs in a polka, a sight so odd 

Pigs in a polka, with big fat bods,

 A porcine nightmare, I hope I never see, 

Pigs in a polka, seems so weird to me. 

 

Who ever thought of it, surely makes no sense. 

Nothing against pigs, but I think they're too dense. 

They can't play music, and they sure can't dance. 

So why pigs in a polka, and take a chance! 

 

Pigs in a polka, with rolls of fat! 

Pigs in a polka, ain't where it's at! 

A piggy hell, to haunt eternally, 

Should not be a pigs destiny! 

 

 I hear them oink I hear them squeal. 

Hear them make a fuss, over not a big deal. 

So what good are they, on the dance floor! 

With mamas and their piglets, and a big, fat boar! 

 

Pigs in a polka, they dance before my eyes! 

Pigs in a polka, it wasn't very wise! 

Such a piggy mess, don't step in it! 

 Pigs in a polka, don't care where they shit! 

 

I hear them raise the roof I hear them run everywhere, 

See them roll around in mud, get it caked in their hair

 Imagine dancing, sliding each which ways 

The polka and mazurka and the polonaise! 

 

Pigs in a polka, the grunting hurts my ears! 

Pigs in a polka, fills me with fears! 

Such sloppy things, no manners too! 

 Pigs in a polka, do what pigs do! 

 

 Is it all a rumor, or is it for real? 

Are the pigs of this world really out to steal, 

The polka from us all, I don't know why they would. 

They should for get about it, Stay in the sty where they should! 

 

 Pigs in a polka, they taste mighty good to me! 

Pigs in a polka, that's how it should be! 

I know it's a morbid fate, 

But they belong on my plate! 

 

As Bacon, chops, tenderloin, roast, sausage, anything but in a polka!

 

The Nude Polka Kings - Pig Fat

Pigs and the resultant products made from them have been feeding people for a long time. The old

saying goes that the only part of the pig not used is the oink, and that's more true than not. Pigs are one of  the easiest of animals to raise for meat, and they really are not dirty animals. The only reason they wallow in  the mud is to cool off when the weather's hot as they cannot sweat. 

So it stands to reason with all the pluses of raising pigs, they would be part of the cultural history of many different reasons. Jewish and Islamic cultures shun pork as it is considered unclean, but for many people pork remains an important source of protein. Certain cuts and methods of preparation can make it a healthy meat to eat as well. Then there's the subject of this song - pig fat!

Some of the most popular kinds of pork products to eat are sausage and bacon, both highly processed meats that are high in sodium and cholesterol that should be eaten in moderation, if at all. But it's true, there's a lot of flavor in pork fat! 

Their song Pig Fat is a departure for the group, as it really isn't a Polka, if it's even any kind of dance at all is the question. It would be difficult indeed to dance to the song. The group obviously had a good time recording it! 

We’ve heard about pigs in a polka, 

A most disgusting thought. 

Nothing against pigs at all 

Many a pig we have sought.

 

 But not to put in a polka, 

But a very different fate

 Butcher ‘em up 

And put ‘em on a plate! 

 

We like all the parts of a hog 

Nothing that we’d give to the dog

 But many times we’ve had a major spat, 

Over our favorite PIG FAT! 

 

Pig fat around pork chops, 

Makes them juicy and tender. 

Pig fat laced in bacon, 

Succulent and tender 

 

Clogging up our arteries

 And making us obese. 

But it really is quite tasty, 

Give us more if you please! 

 

 Pig fat is king! Pig fat is rich! 

Give us some more, or we will surely bitch!

 Fry our eggs in bacon grease, makes them mighty fine! 

We’ll take it oozing bacon grease, every time! 

 

Dripping down our chins, 

Covering our hands 

Barbecued pork ribs, 

Greasy smoked hams 

 

Pie crust made with lard, 

Is the best in the land 

Pork roast dripping fat

 Is something we can stand! 

 

 Greasy pork chops with thick fat, 

Cooked with kraut and biscuits! 

Soaks up all the deliciousness 

Please make it just for us! 

 

Sausages made with pork, 

Larded with piggie fat. 

Served on a crusty bun 

With mustard is where it's at! 

 

Pork steak fried with onions 

Is a dish fit for royalty 

But don't waste it on them 

Give it instead to ME!

 

 Pig fat is king! Pig fat is rich! 

Give us some more, or we will surely bitch!

 Fry our eggs in bacon grease, makes them mighty fine! 

We’ll take it oozing bacon grease, every time! 

 

 Cholesterol skyrockets, 

Doctor gives us hell 

Wants to start a treatment 

Giving the hard sell 

 

Pills I will surely take, 

Exercise as well, 

But cut out pig fat.... 

Ain't no way in hell! 

 

Pig fat is rich! Pig fat is king! 

Greasy sloppy pig fat, is our special thing!

I will keep on saying, until my dying breath.... 

PIG FAT! 

The Nude Polka Kings - The Icicle Polka

  The Nude Polka Kings have been busy playing gigs all over the country as well as their own Polka Hall in Chicago, IL, which they say is the largest nudist polka hall in the country. We'd go one step further, and hazard that it is the only nude polka hall in the country. The band wants to make a confession: The picture used for the title card of naked to the waist men DOES NOT included members of the band. It was a professional picture taken using male models. There is no member of the band that looks remotely like any of the men in the picture, as most of the guys are at least middle aged or older, some with balding heads, most with pot bellies! 

When it’s in the wintertime, with all the wintery storms
Snow piles on the shingles, on the eaves icicles form
They are pointy and so shiny, drip in the sun and sway
Be careful when they fall, that you’re not in the way!
 
The icicle polka, watch them drop so fast
The icicle polka, watch them fall right past
When the sun loosens them from their perch up high
If you look up when they fall, it could take out your eye!
 
When I was a young lad, I heard of an Inuit
During the winter night he threw a hissy fit
He longed to see the sunshine, but couldn't get along
Because the nights up there, are 6 months long!
 
The icicle polka, his happiness suppressed
The icicle polka, he grew so depressed
Stabbed himself with an icicle, went completely nuts
Police ruled it suicide, death by cold cuts!
 
When I was a young lad, we were very poor
We lived very frugally, without any grandeur
We had to make do, when on the ice we'd cavort
Tie icicles on our shoes, and skate for winter sport!
 
The icicle polka, it worked so very well
The icicle polka, we gathered them when they fell
Only trouble was, when they got too very hot
They'd melt into a puddle, right on the spot!
 
We're The Nude Polka Kings, that is very true
Don't play outside in winter, what is wrong with you?
If we would do that, a bad fate to us would be fall
We'd get too cold all over, AND GET BLUE BALLS!
 
The icicle polka, play indoors 'til spring
The icicle polka, don't wanna freeze off our thing
We'll look out the window, at icicles so clear
Play another polka, and have another beer!