Pasquale Appassionato - The Pushcart Disaster

 

GR50 Records associates and agents have been busy investigating new talent, and they've found this operatic tenor! He's classically trained, and has a penchant to record off-beat songs, so he fits right in! Pasquale Appassionato is most likely a pseudonym, but we don't care. We look at the song and quality of the recording. An orchestra backs up the singer as he tells a tale of having a vegetable fight with his rival in 1920's New York Little Italy.

Picture in your mind a hot, steamy day in New York City in the 1920's. There are fruit and vegetable peddlers pushing their carts full of good to sell. Pasquale's cart is laden with all kinds of goods, it's been a good year in his garden. He has to sell as much as he can, as the items are dead-ripe and won't last much longer in the heat and humidity. He begins to shout his sales pitch over the other peddlers as he weaves his way through the crowds on the cobblestones of Mulberry Street. He hears his rival 'Big Mike' shouting, but Big Mike is shouting about how Pasquale's melons are bad, and other slurs. People hear, and quit buying anything from Pasquale. He tries lowering prices, but Big Mike has ruined his day. Now he'll have to take the loss from his produce spoiling! He gets close to Big Mike's cart, and Pasquale loses his temper, rams his cart into Big Mike's, and begins throwing his produce at Big Mike and anyone else that gets in the way! But there's one 'customer' that likes Pasquale's wares, and gives his approval!

My name is Pasquale Appassionato,
I grow the vegetable I grow la frutta
Cobblestones on Mulberry street are
baking like oven. Air is thick
Flies, they buzz...And a my produce...
 
My beautiful eggplant, they weep
 in the New York shade!
Bellissima zucchini,  they
sweat like my brow!
Tomato, she is ripe, Garlic she sigh.
La frutta, they get all slimy snotty!
I must push cart on the street
If nobody buys, my heart she
break like stale biscotti!
Mama mia... we are DOOMED!
 
Hey! Look-a here, look-a here, step right up!
Put a dime in my pocket, a pear in you cup!
I got a the garlic, the onion, the bean,
The finest tomato you ever have seen!
Hey, lady! Don’t walk, don't pass me by,
Buy a nice banana for your favorite guy!
Presto, andiamo, look at the price,
Buy it today it's allso nice!
 
But the sun is beating, the street is a mess,
 Pasquale is starting to feel the stress!
Down on the corner stands "Big Mike,"
Selling his cabbages off of a pike!
He yells to the crowd that my melons, they bad!
Making the people of Mulberry mad!
He steal  my business, taking my dime,
Ruining Pasquale's beautiful time!
 
My blood, she is boiling! My face, she is red!
I scream at Big Mike till I wake up the dead!
"You insult my fruit?! You insult my name?!"
I put on the brakes and I get in the game!
I pull back my handles, I line up the wheels,
Ignoring the women and all of their squeals—
I run at his stand like a runaway train,
CRASH! Go the carts in the alleyway lane!
 
"Basta! You no want? I give a it to you anyway!"
Flying tomato! Caught in the ear!
Splat on a the copper! Out  my way, dear!
Head of a lettuce goes spinning in flight,
Turning the corner into a fight!
Carrots so orange, nice and a sweet
I hope they make you slip, trip up you feet!
Cabbage for Big Mike! Hit in the nose!
Hit a him hard,  blood runs and flows!
Slimy and snotty, it's raining a peach,
Samples for everyone, samples for each!
 
You get a garlic! You get a bean!
Maddest banana you ever have seen!
Smash the pushcart! Break the stand!
Welcome to beautiful New York land!
 
...Eh. The horse, he like-a the carrot.

Forgotten Bob - Gotta Gimme Rockabilly!

 Forgotten Bob remains an enigma. He sings his latest song about being all about Rockabilly, and he certainly isn't the Punk Rock musician he used to be. But his loud clothes and piled up hair extends the usual image of a Rockabilly artist, such as Elvis Presley, or Carl Perkins. But as he says in this song, he's ditched all of his gaudy punk jewelry. We've been told by people that knew him back then that he had the works, spikes in his ear, nose rings, chain going from the nose ring to an earring,  and some piercings of some very private areas we'll not mention. He has changed, but he's still out there. His manager texted us and said that Bob's interest in politics has waned, probably take a break from it which is okay by us. We're interested in seeing where he goes next!

Way long ago in the day
Now to me it sounds so silly
I had somethin' diff'rent to say
Playin' loud, screamin' and shrilly

Thank God it was long time ago
Hate stuff played so willy nilly
I growed up and sing better stuff
Now I'm about ROCKABILLY!

Gotta gimme Rock a billy!
Combo of country and rock
That's become my musical role
Sure ain't no Mozart or Bach!

Got rid most of my jewelry
Still got the holes in my face it went
Studs, rings, chains and the works
Sold it to help pay my rent

Can't say I fully repent
Still like my high greasy hair
My clothes are on the wild side
But now I wear underwear (tighty whiteys!)

Gotta gimme Rock a billy!
Combo of country and rock
That's become my musical role
Sure ain't no Mozart or Bach!

Closed the door, ain't goin' back
Ain't playin' nothin' frilly
The past is just what it is
The present is ROCKABILLY!

Gotta gimme Rock a billy!
Combo of country and rock
That's become my musical role
Sure ain't no Mozart or Bach!

Way long ago in the day
Now to me it sounds so silly
I had somethin' diff'rent to say
Playin' loud, screamin' and shrilly

Thank God it was long time ago
Hate stuff played so willy nilly
I growed up and sing better stuff
Now I'm about ROCKABILLY!

Gotta gimme Rock a billy!
Combo of country and rock
That's become my musical role
Sure ain't no Mozart or Bach!

Amos Carter - Slew Foot Stu Boogie

  Amos Carter's latest tells the tale about one of his band members; Stu Milligan, rhythm guitar player.

At least a certain part of Stu's anatomy, mainly his slew feet. Now being slew footed means your toes point out towards the side, the opposite of pigeon toes where the toes point inwards. Stu's had the nickname Slew Foot for a long time, since he was in the Army. He takes it with good humor, and even contributed to the writing of this song, Slew Foot Stu's Boogie. Amos told us Stu came up with the chorus for  the song. Amos and his band keep adding to their original songs they can play at their gigs, as well as doing numerous covers. Amos handles the double bass and lays down a solid bass to the song as usual. 

We've got a member of the band 

Who walks in his own special style 

Toes stickin' out past his ankles 

His feet flomp and stomp down the aisle 

 

His toes always catching on things 

We all call him bunches of names 

Feet like two extended wings 

He was born that way, not to blame 

 

Slew foot Stu, struttin' down the hall 

Like a duck, with turned out feet 

Like Chaplin in a silent flick 

All with a boogie woogie beat 

 

He plays the rhythm guitar well 

Keeps a real steady boogie beat 

Nothin' throws him off you can bet 

Just glad he don't play with his feet! 

 

 Imagine his hands stickin' out 

Like a couple two by four boards 

He'd have hell of a time strummin' 

And couldn't finger no dang chords! 

 

Slew foot Stu, struttin' down the hall 

Like a duck, with turned out feet 

Like Chaplin in a silent flick 

All with a boogie woogie beat 

 

When Stu went into the army 

He was issued boots normal size 

He made his platoon sargent mad 

Kept wearin' out the boot sole sides! 

 

Sargent hollered at him always 

He'd yell at him when marchin' "HALT! 

Point your damn feet straight!" he'd tell him 

Stu would mutter 'It ain't my fault!" 

 

Slew foot Stu, struttin' down the hall 

Like a duck, with turned out feet 

Like Chaplin in a silent flick 

All with a boogie woogie beat 

 

All the ribbin' is in good fun 

Great that Stu's got a real thick hide 

Glad that he laughs, doesn't get mad 

He takes it all well in his stride 

 

But he gets even with some us

Givin' his own kind of abuse 

Those got pigeon toes he tells 'em 

 "Best put some bird food in them shoes!" 

 

Slew foot Stu, struttin' down the hall 

Like a duck, with turned out feet 

Like Chaplin in a silent flick 

All with a boogie woogie beat

El Gato! - Delfina El Tango

Delfina

The latest from our tango band based in Buenos Aires, Argentina! El Gato himself is the soloist in a passionate tango about his love, Delfina, who happens to be a member of the band! As it usually goes with the band, they played for about 30 minutes to warm up, and they got in a groove, sounded great! El Gato joined them and did a sound check. His voice was still rough, but seemed to have a lighter quality here and there. When they got down to it, they recorded numerous takes of the song. El Gato listened, and picked the best one, the one included. Spanish lyrics and English translation:

Delfina El Tango

Delfina, te vi pasar con tu paso de salón
y yo, torpe de verdad, pisé tarde el corazón
Tengo manos de ladrón para el aire, para el hilo
pero al verte, mi canción se me quiebra sin escondite
 
Yo no sé girar contigo me tropiezo al respirar
si me acerco, pierdo el pulso si me alejo, duele más
Y aunque digan que es destino yo te miro y ya está
 
Delfina, mi voz te baila Delfina, mi voz te da
Yo no bailo el tango, amor pero te sé cantar
Delfina, mi voz te baila (Delfina) Delfina, mi voz te da (mi voz te da)
 
Tengo el pulso de un reloj que se cae al despertar
y tu risa, por favor, me enseña a no desafinar
No te ofrezco una esquina ni un compás para los pies
te ofrezco esta herida donde te nombro otra vez
 
Si la pista me perdona yo me quedo en el borde
con la pena en la garganta y tu nombre de norte
Que me vean tan sincero que me oigan temblar
 
Delfina, mi voz te baila Delfina, mi voz te da
Yo no bailo el tango, amor pero te sé cantar
Delfina, mi voz te baila (Delfina) Delfina, mi voz te da (mi voz te da)
 
Si la noche pide una vuelta yo la doy sin caminar
porque en cada nota abierta te me vuelvo a acercar
Y si nunca hay dos cuerpos marcando el mismo lugar
que mi pecho haga el baile que mis labios sepan dar
 
Delfina, mi voz te baila Delfina, mi voz te da
Yo no bailo el tango, amor pero te sé cantar
Delfina, mi voz te baila (Delfina) Delfina, mi voz te da (mi voz te da)
Delfina, quédate aquí en mi forma de cantar

Delfina's Tango

Delfina, I saw you pass by with your ballroom stride
and I—truly clumsy—stepped on my own heart too late
My hands are like a thief's when grasping at air or thread
but when I see you, my song breaks within me, with nowhere to hide
 
I don't know how to spin with you I stumble just to breathe
If I draw near, I lose my pulse If I pull away, it hurts even more
And though they say it's destiny I simply look at you, and that is all
 
Delfina, my voice dances for you Delfina, my voice gives itself to you
I don't dance the tango, love but I know how to sing for you
Delfina, my voice dances for you (Delfina) Delfina, my voice gives itself to you (my voice gives itself)
 
My pulse is like a clock that tumbles down upon waking
and your laughter—oh, please— teaches me how not to sing off-key
I don't offer you a street corner nor a rhythm for your feet
I offer you this wound where I speak your name once again
 
If the dance floor forgives me I'll stay right here on the edge
with sorrow lodged in my throat and your name as my guiding star
Let them see how sincere I am let them hear me tremble
 
Delfina, my voice dances for you Delfina, my voice gives itself to you
I don't dance the tango, love but I know how to sing for you
Delfina, my voice dances for you (Delfina) Delfina, my voice gives itself to you (my voice gives itself)
 
If the night calls for a turn I'll take it without moving my feet
for in every open note I draw close to you once more
And if two bodies never mark out the very same spot
then let my heart perform the dance that my lips know how to give
 
Delfina, my voice dances for you Delfina, my voice gives itself to you
I don't dance the tango, love but I know how to sing for you
Delfina, my... My voice dances for you (Delfina)
 Delfina, my voice gives itself to you (my voice gives itself to you)
Delfina, stay here within the way I sing

 

Forgotten Bob - The Smegma Rock

Forgotten Bob is no fan  of Donald Trump's administration. He pulls no punches in his criticism, and he does it to his usual rock-a-billy beat. But he goes further and criticizes the entire MAGA movement with this song, and equates it to...well...the title of the song tells that tale! If there's one thing we know about Forgotten Bob, you never know what his next offering will be. But it's seldom boring! 

I'm wonderin', what in the  hell,
'Bout all the people still supportin' him
As long as that mindset is to tell,
Chances of improvement are mighty slim...
 
They call themselves the name of futility,
An acronym for they're beliefs, it's MAGA
But in the way of politics, it really should be
What's under the foreskin of a dick...SMEGMA!
 
Since last year when I stated my case,
Laid out my thoughts of Donald Trump
Said he was a nasty turd in our punchbowl,
Gotten worse as he sits on his rump!
 
Murdered civilians, broken up families,
Shifted more money to his rich bastard kind
There is no end to his causing calamities,
And to top it all off, he's losing his mind
 
They call themselves the name of futility,
An acronym for they're beliefs, it's MAGA
But in the way of politics, it really should be
What's under the foreskin of a dick...SMEGMA!
 
His followers worship his wrinkled little cock
And think that'll "affect them all but me"
So busy dancing to the smegma rock
That they really don't want to try and see!
 
Is there any hope that we will survive?
Each day it's getting worse and worse
Will there be a change to keep us alive
Or are we stuck in the gear of reverse?
 
They call themselves the name of futility,
An acronym for they're beliefs, it's MAGA
But in the way of politics, it really should be
What's under the foreskin of a dick...SMEGMA!
 
We're in a goddam war he said wouldn't happen,
His defenders don't give a shit that he lied,
It's true every time his lips start to flappin',
He could not tell the truth if he tried!
 
Ain't true that nothin' can possibly be done!
If Republicans work with Democrats to pass
Working together, fights can be won
But the Elephant has turned into a cowering ass!
 
King Donald, much more radiant than Christ
His followers pray to him and offer thanks
While everything gets so damned overpriced
And the economy continues to tank
 
Trump probably won't ever be held accountable,
 He'll die first. But every one of his opportunistic
Smegma helpers need to be held accountable for
 Their part in the endless cooperation in the corruption
 Of THE TURD IN THE PUNCHBOWL!
With a special nod to his butt boy, toy soldier
WHISKEY PETE! And let the truth contained in
The Epstein files condemn his memory as a
FUCKER OF CHILDREN...FOREVER!

Chuck Wagon Calhoun - Thar's Gold In Them Thar Hills!

 Chuck Wagon Calhoun sings his latest about seeking his fortune by prospecting for gold. He's not
prospected before, but he knows what he needs to do it. A grubstake, pick and shovel...and a mule to do the heavy work. So he finds a prospector that made his fortune and no longer needed his mule named Euripides. So he made a good price to Chuck Wagon, bought him and headed up to the mountains. As with all of Chuck Wagon's endeavors, he loses interest and moved on to his next adventure...after he sells Euripides...Rip as Chuck Wagon calls him! So what adventure and profession awaits our tall tale teller? Stay tuned and find out! 

Howdy!
Ma name’s Chuck Wagon Calhoun.
I’m fixin’ to jack ma jaw at ya ‘bout
The time I deserted the world and went prospectin’…
FER THAT YELLER STUFF WE GO NUTS OVER!!
YEE HAW YA’LL!
 
Had ‘nough of gittin’ my ass shot at and beat
So I heerd ‘bout some dudes stakin’ claims
Way up in the hills findin’ gold nuggets big
So I sold all my stuff and went to do the same
 
Thar’s gold in them thar hills, say the ol’ timers
Nuggets found as big as a chicken egg
Got me a grub stake and a pick an a shovel
Now all I need’s a mule, then stretch ma legs!
 
Now I done worked with mules afore now.
Git a good one, they help out a lot
Git a bad one, all they do is eat and shit
Best save yer money with a pistol shot…
 
Thar’s gold in them thar hills, say the ol’ timers
Found me a miner that done struck it rich
Didn’t have no need fer a mule no more
He said he were a good worker…(lying sum a bitch!)
 
Couldn’t believe when he tol’ me the mules name
He called the ol’ mule Euripides
What the hell kind a name fer a mule is that?
Some ol’ Greek dude what wrote tragedies?
 
Thar’s gold in them thar hills, said the ol’ timer
Best keep callin’him the same name
If ya change it, he prolly won’t answer
He’s a good boy, will mind ye, and tame!
 
So I tried to shorten his name to Rip
I hollered it and to my side he did trip
So we gathered ourselves and got on the trail
And he follered me long side my hip
 
Thar’s gold in them thar hills, but whar’s it at?
Me and Rip fer a month searched for mother lode
My back was a achin’, my knees were a shakin’!
Went further and further down the road
 
Now it seems the further we traveled
I were carryin’ more of the weight
Ol’ Rip was a lolligaggin’
He best shape up, git goin’ straight!
 
Thar’s gold in them that hills, OH YEAH?
My ass is sorely draggin’
Ol’ Rip wants to sit under the shade tree
His part of the deal shore is flaggin’
 
Come to a head one damned hot sultry day
The sun beatin’ down on my brow
Ol’ Rip sittin’ in the shade of a tree
My patience really snapped somehow
 
Thar’s gold in them thar hills, ya goddam mule!
No mo gonna give ya a pass
I picked up a big ol’ tree limb
And was fixin’ to beat his ass!
 
He looked at me with his big brown eyes
As I was fixin’ to give him a whallop
Brayed a couple times like he t’were laughin’
And suddenly he grunted and sprang up
 
Thar’s gold in them thar hills, he seemed to say
But it shore ain’t worth all of this trouble
He walked ovah to me, nuzzled ma hand
I dropped the big club on the double
 
[Spoken word]
It took that stubborn old mule to make me see the error of my ways.
What the hell good is gold if you're all cobbled up from findin' it?
So I sat with him in the shade of the tree,
Scratched him under the chin like he liked,
Vowed to quit prospectin', and then told old Rip I thanked him-
Then I sold that goddamn stubborn no good
Consarned lazy fuckin' mule!
And I told the dumbass what bought him he's a good worker!

The Burgoo Boys featuring Uncle June's Jug Band - Uncle June Sings Songs Of The Burgoo Boys

 

The Burgoo Boys, are a bluegrass band from Kentucky. Their leader, John Henry Flort, heard Uncle June's Jug Band  when both bands played one New Year's Eve at the same venue. John Henry talked to Uncle June himself, June McShary, and the two groups jammed together and a new group was formed.  With a slightly rough, hoarse, but very musical, Uncle June became the lead singer. Uncle June and his group served to inspire The Burgoo Boys to tighten up their music, expand their creativity, and the groups melded together like they’d been playing together for years. And all of them were proud Kentuckians, and that was reflected in all their songs. The different instruments added by Uncle June’s group has expanded their sound as well.

GR50 Records held meetings with the two leaders on ways we could consolidate the names, even offered to give each group an individual contract. But they told us flat out, they already took a vote from all the musicians, and everyone including themselves, wanted the name of the group to be: The Burgoo Boys featuring Uncle June’s Jug Band, so that’s what it is!
 
John Henry approached Uncle June with an idea; would Uncle June like to make an album of some of the boys older songs? Hence, this 5 song album, Uncle June Sings! John Henry was no longer satisfied with the original versions of four of the songs. He wanted to add different instrumentation and June’s distinctive voice in hopes to make the songs even better. So while writing new songs, the group also revised those 4 songs. Uncle June had recently written a country ballad Sweet Belle Of Louisville, Kentucky as an anniversary present for his wife on their 30^th wedding anniversary, and all the musicians agreed to include this song as well.
 
1. What The Hell Is Burgoo? - This song was originally written in response to some people commenting on their name and what burgoo was! 
 
2. Roadkill Café - An idea used by many musicians, but we were immediately drawn to the humor of the lyrics and the quality of the musical performance. 
 
3. Sweet Belle Of Louisville, Kentucky - This song was written by Uncle June as a gift for his wife on their 30^th wedding anniversary. It’s a slow, country ballad and shows how Uncle June’s voice, while not being the most attractive musically, can be used for genuine heart-felt emotion. Uncle June told us the story: 

Uncle June McShary

Yeah, this be pretty much how it happened. I'm a country boy, used to git all cleaned up once in a spell an' go into Louisville to the picture show. Usually had my brothers and sisters with me, but this time I was by my own self. Don't 'member why, but anyhow, I never seen the girl before then, and there was somethin' 'bout her took my breath away. I were seventeen, had a few gal friends afore, but none of 'em affected me like this! I was kind a shy back then, still amazed I asked her to sit with me, but I did. Even more amazed she said 'yes'! 

Found out later she was a city girl, so we come from two different lifestyles. Took us a bit to get used to the way each other done things, but it was never a case of one bein' better than the other. Just different. Long story short, we've been together ever since. Never had a break up, had our share of disagreements but we hung in there, got married, had four kids that are all growed now, got some Grandbabies too! Life with her has been great! 

4. When Yer Up To Yer Ass In Alligators - Another humorous original, taken from an old country saying of perseverance among unforeseen circumstances. 
 
5. Feed ‘Em Beans! - That The Burgoo Boys can write lively, toe-tapping, (and profane!) songs is shown in this example. The original is also a great example of the virtuoso musicians in the group, as the tempo is quite brisk. Now add that together with the virtuosity in Uncle June’s group, and you’ve got a quite different interpretation!